Christmas is just not for everyone.
Personally, this one was the most gentle Christmas I've had in awhile. I chose 'time together' gifts so that saved me shopping and it also allowed me to make one big payment instead of multiple little ones so I knew exactly where my money was going. I didn't make a dinner this year and honestly have not been making one the last several. We also didn't go to anyones house for dinner this year which was.. okay. I did set up and decorate a tree and for the first time in a long time and I don't feel like taking it down just yet (it's Boxing Day and yes, that is usually how fast I want it down). Christmas is shifting for me and I feel I'm warming up to it again - slowly.. maybe.
Growing up in a military household, we didn't have a lot of money but my brother and I could hardly tell at Christmastime. We were spoiled. To this day, I cannot believe how my mom managed to take care of as many presents as she did; deciding which ones to get, shopping for them (online was not a thing in the '70's), wrapping them and making everything look so fun for us. All the while dealing with two young excited kids, an alcoholic (my dad) and living very far away from the only support system she had which was her own mom.
As my brother and I got older, it became more clear what a stress Christmas was to mom. Then we left home and mom flat out rejected Christmas. Except cards. Mom never let go of stashing money in cards and making them hard for us to open with lots of tape and little stickers. She's gone now but I know our entire family values so much this display of love for giving to her family - her way.
Which brings me to today and Christmas.
Maybe it's because I had such a sense of my own calm this year. Maybe it's because I had peace in my home.. but I really sensed the 'squish' of Christmas. To me, there's a frenzy to it that is unmatched any other time of year. Christmas is meant to be about peace and love and goodwill and for some it really is but the reality is that for many it just isn't. And I feel like we need to be okay with that instead of insisting others play Christmas in a way more socially acceptable.
In December, in North America at least, we begin winter. We also stumble upon the shortest day of the year and we tend to be the most inward and reflective in December as another calendar year ends. And yet there is a silent expectation for all to be merry and [bright]! of all things.
Do you see what I see?
Talk about your yin and yang.. that's a potential pressure cooker right there! For some folks, it's all they can do to hang on to a thread of sanity throughout this season never mind asking them to forget anything and everything they may be going through mentally or physically. Life in December, whether you celebrate Christmas or not, is completely interrupted for this holiday. It's kind of amazing actually. In December, all things point to Christmas. There is zero escape and when all you want to do is escape the noise and the lights and protect what little energy you have left, it's usually frowned upon. And so you put on the face and you do the thing that everyone else wants you to do.
If you are one of the folks that can't get enough Christmas then know that I applaud you and I thank you for reading this far! I LOVE seeing people rolling in enthusiasm and shit that lights you up. Get after it and don't let anyone dim your light!
If you are someone who is hanging onto their light and simply wants to be still to keep it burning; I applaud you. I truly do. Staying still in a month long marathon of lights and colour and noise during colder and darker days while people are trying to pull you out of your stillness can be a huge challenge.
Being part of community means also respecting boundaries. I think it's important to check on your people but also to understand that they don't have to play the way that others play. Even at Christmas.
How do we practice observing? How do we create more space for people to simply be? How do we create less pressure in December in general?
I don't know the answers. But I do believe that it's possible to shift how December feels. I believe that if you're someone like me who senses that squish and it's not a comfortable feeling then honour how you feel. Take it slow. Decide for yourself how you would like the month to feel and know that whether it's December or any other month of the year - you are loved.. just the way you are.
Until next time..
H&S
